21.

Life's a perfect natural disaster.

People like ma famille, mes amis & mon ami complete my life.
Without them, it just doesn't seem perfectly natural anymore.

It'll be a disaster.

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to whom it may concern.

life isnt just about how you want it to turn out. one moment you think you can survive with something you feel is worthy, the next moment something might just happen to turn the tables around. and then you feel that whatever was worthy before, is worthless and a waste of your time now. you have to think far and open your mind up. now, its never about settling debts or whatnots only, its about how to earn that money and managing your own ways on how to settle those debts as well as your future. you cant just throw away something that can ease your financial strain. im not saying im better than you, smarter than you or more financially stable than you.
you see, the people around you are trying very very hard to help you. but it seems to me you're just not helping yourself. having a job doesnt really prove that you're helping yourself. i know your pay isnt enough. its time to put some[cutting you some slack here] of your ego and laziness aside and start planning for your future.
i dont want to tell you to do things, i dont want you to feel that im telling you to do things, i dont want you to do things because of me. i want you to do things that can secure your future.
i myself am afraid of my own future. thats why i rather not talk about our future. why bother when we're not even starting to plan for ourselves when we get older?
you see, these are the reasons why i avoid talking about marriage. i really dont know how to feel when i see your family and hear them talk about the future.
the way you and i are brought up, is very different. im trying to understand and have always understood the way you behave and think. have you thought about the reactions, behaviours and the way i let my feelings known to you? how do they differ from yours?
yes i am emotional. dont i have the right to? am i not human if im not emotional? i cant say that because no one is the same. its good for you that you arent as emotional as me. it seems to me that the way you show your emotions is by anger. when you're pressurised, you are restless.
when i'm pressurised, i shut the hell up or go to sleep or think of a way out.
my future is my everything right now. im sure it applies to everyone in the world.

as your friend, i've been helping you until i've exhausted my own resources but i dont mind because im doing it in good faith.
i know how you feel whenever your family mentions the word future before me. and if i dont add a hint of sarcasm, i dont think anything will change. and my sarcastic remark applies to me as well in a way that only i understand.

we are both mentally exhausted. sometimes i think we should take a break, but for now, its best that we have each others' backs.