21.

Life's a perfect natural disaster.

People like ma famille, mes amis & mon ami complete my life.
Without them, it just doesn't seem perfectly natural anymore.

It'll be a disaster.

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haloo, haloo!
heh.

you know, it's been a while since i last wrote a serious entry.
so yeah.
why not write one now, yeah?

my mind was totally switched off from school last week.
God knows why.
but im back up on my feet after yesterday.
hopefully sembawang shipyard isnt interested in our final year project.
because if they happen to feel that way, i will defeinitely be bummed.

anyway.
i think i havent let my hair down in quite a while.
i havent totally feel at ease.
im sad, yes.
but i'd rather not let it eat me inside out.

sometimes, i just wished i could do whatever i want just to make myself happy.
however, i hate to disappoint people that i love.
so i push my wants aside.
seeing people that i love happy, makes me feel satisfied.
it doesnt matter if im happy or not, i may not find happiness now.
but, insyallah, i'll find it sooner or later.

you know how much it hurts when you go all out for people you love but in the end you get pushed aside?
or when someone comes to you only when he/she is in some kind of trouble?
it hurts, doesnt it?
if you keep talking about things you desire, surely you'd want to have them, right.
if not now, perhaps sooner or later.


well.
i have felt that i was hated by people close to me.
i have done things that made people close to me hate me.
and i just wanted to get rid of all the things that i did to make them change the way they feel.
but it's just not easy to get rid of them all.

its been a while since i last met my bestfriends.
and i've always wondered how they're doing.


sometimes i wonder.
how do a person repay one's kindness?
because its just too cruel to return kindness with bad will.
but then, i believe in karma.
actually, i wonder about alot of things.
and they just bring me to tears at the end of the day.
heh.

because the bottom line is,
im just very sad.
and i just hope to get everything out of my mind and my heart.
but, this is just a portion of whats on my mind.
the rest is best kept a secret.

so yeah.
goodnight.

i love you people.
and i miss my lovelies.